i judge you when you watch entourage

So…Entourage is a really shitty show. Really, it’s very bad. Usually when I say that my opinion is dismissed because “it’s a guy show and you just don’t understand.” This is pretty insulting because you’re assuming that I’m either too immature or too unintelligent to evaluate something with the slightest bit of objectivity. How dare you? Also, have we met? I like lots of “guy" things. I can certainly admit when something is good or cool even when it’s completely not my style or something I would never partake in. Video games come to mind….I don't get it but I don't put it down. Also, my dislike of the show is not a knee-jerk feminist reaction to the distasteful treatment of female characters. It’s bad, to be sure, but also pretty typical.

No, no, I hate Entourage because it sucks. I guess I'll start with the characters and the acting. It’s the opposite of seamless, whatever that is. Seam-full? Anyway you can see them struggling, and it’s bad. Vince may be the worst, his character has no personality and that’s exactly how Grenier plays him. He gives you nothing. I don’t get it, he’s the main character, right? Turtle and Drama might be ok characters if their lines were actually funny, but they’re not. They seem to be making the same long-running jokes from the first season. Ari used to be kinda cool and funny (I like asshole characters), but now he just runs around throwing temper tantrums. That’s not interesting or funny. He’s apparently run out of zingers. The only good character at all is Eric (fuck you, hollywood, I’m not calling him E). He does and says real things and appears to have a brain and a personality. See, now was that so hard? Maybe they’ll surprise me and turn Eric into the main character…..

The story isn’t very good either. I use the singular “story” because there’s really only been one story line the entire length of the series. Sure the details change, but basically it’s the same thing happening all the time. I hadn’t watched it since the first season and I was able to jump back in without skipping a beat. In fact, I had to double check to make sure they weren’t just replaying the first season. Indeed they weren’t. It’s so formulaic that it’s like watching a Scooby Doo episode. If it weren't for that meddling director.....

And all the celebrity cameos? They are always terribly cheesy. When Kanye West made that joke about flying the jet it kinda felt like I was watching Full House. It's ok guys, he's only joking! Super lame. Unbelievable. This is an Mtv-quality show on an HBO-sized budget. What a waste.

The real reason it irks me that Entourage is so popular is that I really don’t get why people are watching. Do people think it’s funny? Are they actually interested in what will happen to these lifeless characters? Do they want to live vicariously through Vince? Are they impressed by the hollywood glamour? Some say it’s like the male Sex and the City (don’t get me started on that show) and I get that comparison. Unfortunately, it similarly reduces men to these absurd gender stereotypes the way that SATC did to women. "Me like girl. Car go fast. Money good."

In conclusion, Entourage is a bad show because it is stocked with static characters played poorly by mediocre actors, with regurgitated, badly-written storylines. Their attempt at humor yields meager results. It is ostentatious, cheesy, and sleazy (the rhyming there is an unfortunate coincidence). It pretends to be a good show, while it is not.

I say this out of concern. Watching Entourage is a step down a slippery slope. Next thing you know you’re wearing striped, button-down shirts and drinking domestic beer at your reserved table in Addison. You’re a douchebag. Who will help you now? Not me, I warned you.

Relax, this is all in good fun. I don't really care about Entourage. I watch some terrible shows too, Degrassi probably being the worst. But at least I don’t go around talking about how cool it is. Or watch it in a group with all my buddies. Sigh.