weekend recap: out on a limb edition

friday
-worked late but managed to show up to the party's 2 year anniversary at zubar
-waited in line outside (booooo!) but made some nice friends out there
-randoms that i ran into: dez, tony, and nice-girl-that-works-at-urban
-walked in the doors and was punched in the face by the energy (!)
-i dance alone as usual, that's the way i like it
-um, stephen is a fucking badass dancer, jealous
-i'd have to say bombs over baghdad was the highlight for me, i threw down my purse and went for it
-on the way to the car i get flagged down by some gay guys to talk about my dress, of course i obliged
-check this for pics! hance is really doing something here!


saturday
-baked all day in preparation for the tea party (see below)
-effectively scared off 'new guy' from last weekend by giving him the runaround and being weird
-i was pretty sure that would happen, and its fine, good really, though i feel kinda bad
-went to 'girl show' for art love magic (art fueled charity) at southside on lamar
-pure greatness, amazing art, cute kids, talented and passionate women doing their thing
-hung out with dee and sherry all night at their booth and it was just what i needed
-jordan showed his face as promised, and i fell more in (friendly) love with him, he shines
-stopped by dylan's for late night porch talking and smoking and he has some great ideas that i hope i'm lucky enough to be a part of, more on that soon

sunday
-so, sunday ruled
-started off badly though, accidentally slept in till 20 min before tea party was to begin
-we were celebrating the birth of lacy, and just having fun being girly
-had to haul my decorating supplies to hannah's and throw the cake together in 5 min
-kinda sucks cause so much work goes into it, then it doesn't come together how you want it to
-but it doesn't matter because we had good company and good fun, rousing success
-then went shopping with the amazing fred
-fred is the shit, plain and simple
-we talked about clothes, boys, sugar daddies, bad shoes, and trash babies and laughed the day away
-i got a BEAUTIFUL dress at dolly python that is sure to be a hit at berry's wedding, yesssss
-got SUPER lost looking for ahab bowen (which, as it turns out, is NOT on bowen st.) and when we finally got there it was closed, succckkkkkk
-i finally got to make fun of someone that it was totally innappropriate to make fun of, but see, you can say anything to fred and he was right there with me and ready with some zingers of his own
-i'm sorry, i said some mean things about you, and you were pretty nice to me, i got it out of my system, though


some of the spread





















birthday girl lookin adorable






















polaroid portrait by fred

i need a (non)date

so, ever since the infamous hudnall-ruzicka disaster of 2k7, i have a strict policy of not attending weddings alone. i need a sidekick for chris berry's wedding on july 12th, but this one is gonna be tricky i think. one REALLLLY good sport needed.

pros:

-free dinner, delicious cake, estimated 90% chance of open bar
-you get to hang with me, in a ridiculous dress (duh)
-watch me deflect insults from the ex-husband with the greatest of ease
-dancing, laughing, mocking/scoffing
-you get to wear a suit? (see below)

cons:

-it's likely to be stuffy and fancy, decorum must be observed
-you'll have to sit through stories like this: "hey, remember that time when i stole your car and abandoned it somewhere in chad's neighborhood and then you pushed me in the pool fully-clothed in february to get me back?" um, how could i forget, ross?
-enduring scorn from the ex-husband
-you'll be dragged out for smoke breaks every half hour
-you have to wear a suit

any takers?

weekend recap: golden girls edition

fri

-yeah, i work late every friday
-nothing to see here

sat

-spent most of the day with my bro watching tv and giggling

-went to hance's to drink a few before going out to the loft

-hands up party with gracie chavez and i'm on the list as hance's plus one

-he makes quite a scene with his huge flash and gold chain camera strap

-he lets me shoot a little and i decide i'm surely not cool enough to hold that camera

-see girl-dylan and her friend rachael, wonder if they are old enough to even be there

-met a boy, uh huh, i told hance i would, just had a feeling

-i was smoking alone, saw him, wished he would come talk to me, he did, yayyyyyy

-danced a lot, saw cool things, got groped by drunk clothing designers

sun

-spent the afternoon relaxing by the pool with calvin, hance, julian, and some dude

-heard the grossest, most disturbing story i have ever heard

-it was about someone's first sexual experience, poor guy, siiiiiiiiiccckkk

-it was pretty funny though

-some dude decided to take off his swim trunks for no reason

-this didn't go over well with the group and we all left pretty quick

-who does that, eh?

-new boy texted me, he seems pretty into it, i'll probably disappoint him, i'm a jerk

"oooh. it. feels good to be free."

yes it does, jenny lewis.

i've been thinking a lot lately. whenever i end a relationship there's this sense of relief. i feel like myself again. but i don't remember losing myself. i can't really see where or why it happened. but it does. and its obviously me if it keeps happening. there are certain people in my life that remind me who i am and what i'm about just by spending time with them, and i've been hanging with them a lot lately and it feels good.

maybe i'm not mature enough to be in a relationship

maybe i need to learn a little something about equanimity

maybe i needed to experience this several times to get it right

maybe i should try being single for more than a few weeks, see what that's all about

weekend recap: art-tastic edition

fri
-work..eh
-that's about it
-except that work is draining my patience
-almost immediately upon entering the store its gone
-not sure why, working on it, kind of


sat
-two trips to frisco on a makeup hunt, eventual success
-errands/arrested development watching with alex
-on to the art show
-hal was naked in a box, cool!
-everything was great, really
-fred freaked out about my dress and made me do a spin, yay
-terribly awkward conversations dominated the evening
-stopped by meridian for a drink with eric's former drummer and his wife
-she remembered everything about me from the one time i met her about a year ago, weird and cool
-ended off the night watching the karate kid, hell yes
-"danny laruso's gonna fight!"

sun
-rad day spent with me
-went all around town shooting polaroids
-got about 5 that i love, sweet
-plotted and planned some ideas for polaroid projects, get excited!
-had late night slushes and conversation with sarah z

mon
-oh my my my
-milad is the best cheerer upper of all time
-we drink whiskey and talk and encourage and laugh and laugh and laugh
-i get wasted, throw up in the morning, but don't regret it cause i had the best fucking time

tues
-i finish work early and can't be bothered to hang around dallas for hours to go to meditation
-head to alex's to hang with the gang and i see dennis who always makes me happy and warm
-"how are you ever gonna meet dudes if you're always hanging out with like 8 dudes?"
-good question, but who said i even want to meet dudes, eh?

thurs
-drinks with julian at old monk
-calvin joins us and acts like a human being the entire time, nice!
-convo topics include relationships, breakups, cheating, sex, and attractiveness.
-turns out calvin has a height requirement too, who knew
-i have no use for suppression and no patience for anything but the truth. ask me anything. do it.

what a great, tiring week. i can't begin to sit still, i've got to be going, going, going. big thanks to my boys for putting up with me. even when your girlfriend gets mad cause we are being too rowdy and giggly.

drugs are bad, mkay?

since i don't feel like writing it again, the story as i related it to a friend via myspace message:

"sooooo...some crazy things happened today. i got home from work to find several police cars, an ambulance, and fire truck outside. ok, somewhat alarming, but there are plenty of non-devastating explanations. things are still ok. walk in, see a gurney. no. commotion upstairs but i can't tell what's going on. i try to get upstairs but a cop stops me. by now i'm freaked and starting to cry. she asks me if my mother has a history of depression or drug abuse. my mother? of course not. she goes on to imply that my mother has attempted suicide. (i'll ruin the story by telling you now that she didn't) it hits me and i'm on my knees. they bring someone on a board down the stairs. its not my mother, its ashley, my brother's girlfriend (?), and immediately it makes sense. i see her and she's not breathing on her own i hear someone say that she still doesn't have a pulse. she's off in an ambulance and now we're being corralled upstairs and they're searching our house. they find (not that they have to look hard...) an "obscene amount of narcotics" and nearly twenty used syringes. they bring in their "csi guy" to take pictures of the crime scene. my house is a crime scene. they arrest my brother, the cop tells us he's fucked but we already know that. my brother is calm and detatched the whole time. he tells my mother to pick him up immediately. my mother says again how she thought he was doing so well...she wonders aloud why this happened. i tell her because that's what happens. its not pixie stix, its fucking herion. ashley is ok, and i guess by ok i mean alive."

BEST. MEDITATION. EVER.

so i do this thing every week where i sit still and stuff. and its amazing, kids. its not a class, its not a religion, its not creepy, its just a bunch of people getting together to try to do better. to be happy. its simple but huge. massive. today was a really good one for me. there was a new girl there that i connected with immediately and i really hope she comes back. i read and i shared and gratitude and hope and humility were palpable in the room tonight. people always ask, and ive asked myself, why do i meditate? i can only answer for myself and here goes. it has helped me be more accepting of my current reality. here and now, THIS is all we have. if its painful or joyful, i'm grateful to have it and feel it. gratitude is another one. i'm grateful for this breath, for my benefactors, for my challenges. compassion has probably been the biggest gift i've received from meditating. we're all the same, we're all just trying to do our thing, we all experience suffering, and we all want to be happy. reminding myself of this has helped me to react less and receive more. several of my relationships (work, family) have made total 180s. simple but HUGE. i'm still relatively new to it, but i'm hooked. more later.

weekend recap: family edition

fri
-had a 6:30 am flight, so naturally i missed it
-first experience with standby, no big, enjoyed a leisurely breakfast and hopped a flight an hour later
-sister picked me up and we started in on the fun
-we had a tea party to plan and did we ever
-the colors! the costumes! the wackiness!
-have you ever been to a tea party with water guns and recorders?
-my dad tried to tell me HOW TO MAKE CUPCAKES
-seriously, this is like trying to tell the fonz how to be cool, not necessary
-went to blues fest in kc and laughed at all the drunk people
-we saw frat boys doing air guitar, an old nerdy couple gettin busy, and even some hipsters (who we can assume were only there ironically)

sat
"well...her next wedding can be perfect" -my cousin brian, mocking the cranky bride
-more tea party prep, heart shaped sandwiches and lemon squares, suckas!
-cousin's wedding was a trip
-attire ranged from cutoff (i said cutoff) tuxedo t-shirts, to camo dress shirts tucked into tight jeans, to nascar hats, to crocs
-then there was me in my anthro dress and heels, yup
-hung with my grandma and great aunt all night and we were quite the trio, they like to party
-picture it, me with two old ladies with coiffed old lady fros, a foot shorter than me working the room, partying it up
-they taught me the jitterbug and told me stories about when they used to go out dancing when they were young
-talked shop with the bakers of the cake and actually helped out with the finishing touches
-their cake topper was a couple sitting on a bale of hay
-did i ever tell you guys that i'm from the country? i'm from the fucking country

sun
-rode all the way home with parents, listening to yes and supertramp, my dad likes to rock
-we had to stop in eufala on a ridiculous errand
-you see, my family is all kinds of native american (creek, apache, choctaw)
-seriously i'm an 1/8th if you do the math, and this is the first time we've done the math
-aaaaanyway, the reason for this sudden interest is that jon jon is applying to med school
-yes, affirmative action is being put into motion for an upper middle class surburban white male, fuck this is so insane
-pending some paperwork, we will soon be on the books with a roll number and everything
-hey government, build me a fucking house!
-they do that right?


all in all, this was a really great trip. lots of fun and i learned and shared a lot with my family which is rare and appreciated. if only i could get my sister to move down here....

weekend recap

"laughter through tears is my favorite emotion."
i'm watching steel magnolias (arguably the best movie EVER) right now.



thurs
-dinner with julian and alex, conversation included: chad's belligerently drunk and hilarious behavior, engagements and proposals, cars, and of course music
-black angels at granada with caitlin, sarah e, and alex
-show was GREAT for awhile but got a little boring toward the end with all the jamming...eh....
-weird things happened and i was in no condition to handle them properly and spent most of the night fighting a freakout
-there was a two-sided accidental snubbing incident with my bubbelah fred, it's ok, it was resolved, thanks dylan!


fri
-seriously considered calling in mentally ill to work (haaaaaa)
-after work headed out with z to dada to see johnny lloyd rollins and the fieros (valentines)
-there was some unwelcome ass grabbing (see 'new rule')
-the bands were great and really seemed to be having fun which is rad
-i got my very own jlr t-shirt, courtesy of johnny himself. uh-huh!
-sarah and i did almost the exact same thing in the same place at the same time last year
-almost exactly the same, ya hear?


sat
-woke up late and didn't have a damn thing to do, greatness
-my brother had a bunch of friends over and i was listening to their conversation and laughing: "dude, how could you be in motley crue and not have an std?"
-had a long overdue chat with kari haecker about life and love and we laughed and laughed and laughed and i miss her a lot
-met up with milad and lots of old friends at jonesy's gf's house and things got interesting
-they were playing a drinking game and there was a lot of that "i've never" game
-see, this is probably not a good game to play around couples, there was some tension
-ones with bad results: "i've never slept with two people in one night" and "i've never slept with someone over 40"
-ones i'm still laughing about: "i've never bought a limp bizkit jacket" (oh, jonesy) and "i've never been called out by the toadies in front of ten thousand people"
-i learned a lot of disturbing things about greg, i had no idea.....
-i was in a unique (sober) position and was enjoying observing behavior
-palmer and i won the 'who's known each other the longest' contest that broke out with a solid 22 years
-what if god was one of us? just a stranger on the bus? pj and his girlfriend are GOLDEN


sun
-woke up to a phone call from little lyric
-lazy day, bike riding, leisurely baking, outside daydreaming
-lots of questions, fewer answers