so this is what's happening

i haven't had my phone since friday. i've been sick since saturday night. i haven't driven anywhere since then. i haven't slept more than a few hours at a time. on the other hand, i haven't been able to stay awake more than a few hours at a time. i haven't smoked until today. my stomach only want french fries with copious amounts of ketchup. i throw up at least once a day and threaten to do so much more often than that. i've spent my days in hospital beds, waiting room chairs, and curled up in my sheets. i have ice packs and juice boxes delivered to my room regularly. i'm not complaining, really. it's not bad, and i'm really well taken care of. it's just annoying and turns your world upside down a little. it's weird to be cut off from the world, be on a different schedule, your life revolving around one thing, your shitty health. i haven't even played with my clothes for days AND i have tons of new dresses to play with. that's how sick i am. these meds make me feel crazy and have weird, innappropriate dreams. we haven't had thanksgiving yet, something about a football game, i don't know, i'm sure it's stupid though. i can't think of a legitimate reason to postpone a holiday having to do with football. jon jon gets here tomorrow and i can't wait. he takes good care of me. my hippie, political protesting, guitar playing aunt also arrives tomorrow to celebrate the holiday with us. she annoys the shit out of my parents with her liberal ways so that's always appreciated. she's also terribly witty, which i enjoy being around. so we're having a late thanksgiving which is fine because holidays just make me all anxious anyhow, what with expectations and all, i mean, isn't that the quickest way to be disappointed? yeah, it's probably best not to have expectations. that's why i never make big new year's or birthday plans. hello, plans? meet disappointment. oh, you've already met? of course you have.

what the hell is my problem?

check me out! i don't know why i do this, but i recently realized how many pics like this i have accumulated this year....i'm wondering how many in my lifetime...i've being doing this since i was about 12 or so...isn't that when beavis and butthead was on tv?

honorable mention for 'huge jerk that flips the bird in public all the time': kari (duh)

i feel that hers are more sincere and heartfelt than mine. something to work on.

next week: super drunk pictures, mine and yours

weekend recap: "i don't understand you, art!" edition

let's replace friday with thursday, cool? cool.



thursday
-jackie and i TORE IT UP at putt putt
-batting cages, we each did 90 pitches, rocked it, sore the next day
-played tons of video games
-jackie is inexplicably amazing at skee ball
-we played some really cool zombie killing game where you have plastic shotguns and it got pretty intense (i was sweating) and now i kinda want to shoot a real shotgun...
-dance dance revolution is fucking fun but tiring, we are old maybe, song choice is also very important
-we scored big time with cool prizes including friendship bracelets, fortune telling fish, and plastic lizards
-i highly recommend being 12 again and making a visit to putt putt
-do it


saturday
-jackie and i lay out, shop, eat, and beautify ourselves all day
-we get ready at her house and her dad teases me about seeing me in 4 different outfits throughout the day...yeah...i do that
-cathy comes over and makes mojitos, sort of
-we head off to pick up adam and friend for the night
-things start out at space for thank you
-got to see fred and jordan and john and valda and dee and sherry and others, yay
-space was the hottest place on earth that night and we were all dying, dying i say
-we head out early to escape the hotness and death and go to cosmos in lakewood
-we run into all the gals from work, they are already wasted, awesome!
-adam sure was a good sport, attending weird art things, with me running off to talk to someone new every 2 seconds
-hilarious conversations here are some quotes:


"only pee comes out the pee hole."


"is your 'medical research' really just porn?"


bike dude #1: "you need to get over leah."
bike dude #2: "sigh..i'm not gonna get over leah, she's my girlfriend."


"so i was getting fresh with this guy and he untied my dress and then i got shocked by an electric fence..."


"ok, that's enough, kids. hey, get off my friend!"



-jackie likes adam so that's good. i like him too. he is very yes. so far.

sunday
-wasted the day away napping and eating and watching tv and putting together outfits, not too shabby

*don't miss the new post below*

weekend recap: (super late) girls weekend edition

so i was lazy and didn't do a weekend recap of girl's weekend. until now, after another weekend has passed. i suck. but hey, now you get two recaps. lucky.



friday
-sarah, jackie and i (and moco, sarah's furball dog) head down to austin in my car
-the car ride is one of my favorite parts of the trip
-we smoke a joint and laugh at jackie
-stoned jackie goes from zero to ten, normal to retarded, it is so awesome and funny
-the hills and trees and views in austin make me so happy
-at the house sarah pulls out a box of old notes from high school and we read them and laugh at what we thought was SO important, so dramatic
-the highlight was an IM convo between sarah and zach, a dtr of sorts, omg so hilarious
-went out for dinner at trudy's, jackie was appalled at our 11 pm dinnertime, she's a square
-food was AMAZING, my inner fat kid loves austin so much
-drinks and stuff and good times and no one gets crazy and there are no disasters


saturday
-we headed to the river in our matching tie dye t-shirts
-it was kind of an ordeal, late start, parking far away, waiting forever for tubes, walking super far to the river, crashing and spilling the cooler, ehhhh
-once we got to floating, things were cool
-jackie totally fell in front of tons of people, one second she was standing, the next she was not, so funny
-we tricked a guy into thinking we were all british: "wow, that's so cool, i'm floating with people from england, whoa..."
-the float seemed to last forever and we were certainly ready to get out when it was time
-we went to "the shanty" a dive-y looking place that promised "drinkin' and dancin'" inside, but were turned away due to a wedding party being held there
-seriously? the shanty? for your wedding? come on.....
-had a most delicious dinner again, at rudy's this time, jackie gave her compliments to the chef she liked it so much, this place is connected to a gas station
-leaving rudy's, shani insisted that this series of speedbumps was actually an optical illusion, and maintained this assertion even after driving over a few of them, they were bumpy, she finally gave in...gotta love shani


sunday
-one more incredible meal before we were headed back north, kerbey lane i love you so much, i would weigh 500 lbs if i lived in austin, i'm sure of it
-i want some coffee and pancakes right now just thinking about it....god...
-john joined us, with audrey and dillanger of course, they are off-the-charts cute
-audrey told us about her recent tea party, her new backpack for kindergarten, and the new word she just learned: androgynous
-my heart goes out to john, doing it on his own, doing it well, putting them first FOR REAL and not even making an issue out of it (teacher alert, i'm watching and appreciating and learning)
-the drive is so fun again, i wish shani could have been there for all the giggles
-we get high again, and stumble upon this convenience store that was frozen in time about 10 years ago
-i first discovered it back in december with jackie and hass, this place has candy you only remember from your childhood but haven't seen since, it probably is actually that old, oh well...nostalgia is awesome
-sarah downs a red bull and falls asleep, who does that?
-thus concludes girls weekend '08, can't wait till '09

girls weekend '08

was totally fun and cool. more soon....

MUST SEE

for real. like i will pick you up at your house and deliver you to this event (not you, kari) if that will make it happen. yes, this is important.


















these kids (they are 17 and 18) are writing and recording original songs (10-12 last i heard...) to be played alongside accompanying visuals (videos and photo series) in a surround sound type setting. the thing is, these kids are good. they are talented and know what they're doing. it's gonna be great. it's this huge undertaking and i'm so proud of them for pulling it off and my heart wants so badly for this to happen with a full house at space. not only that, but i genuinely believe that this is not to be missed. they'll be happy, you'll be happy. i'm always happy.

so yeah, i guess this is just for milad and hance (who NEVER come to anything i invite them to) and anyone else who secretly reads my blog. hi. please come.

















read their artist statement here.
check out some of the songs here.

weekend recap: edition

fri

-work, ugh
-lacy, her bf, and several of the bebout siblings came to eat dinner with me, awwwww
-then they were off to some emo sounding band i've never heard of, booooooo
-whatevs, we finish pretty early and i head home and hang with my bro
-we do our usual movie quote-a-thon and try to think of the meanest thing to say to each other and laugh about it, awesome

sat

-the dreaded wedding
-no one recognized me, weird
-justin, kris, and matt all looked right at me and didn't know it was me
-um, hi, we know each other, have for at least 10 years....yeah....
-an act of hostility from 'the wives' early on had me worried about the rest of the day
-ran into keaton, but just once and quickly, said 'hey' and carried on looking for a place to smoke at a church, no easy task
-thought i should stay away since he had the girlfriend in tow, best be cautious when other people's feelings are concerned i think
-plus she probably thinks i'm a crazy bitch
-i'm not
-reception was super nice, lavish, glamorous, movie wedding style
-open bar, duh
-highlight of the reception was mac & cheese in martini glasses, we were all impressed and delighted
-the band actually kinda rocked and played some cool songs ('livin on a prayer' brought the house down) and we danced and laughed at other people dancing (mostly old people)
-the couple really seemed to enjoy their day, it was completely their style and went off just right
-dennis was a lovely (non)date, big thanks, love you much
-"i forgot how creepy kris's mom is. she would bang any of us." -zach

sun

-decided i needed some work, i've been pretty selfish lately
-searching for new jobs, non-prof stuff, we'll see
-spent the day riding my bike and reading against the stream (again)
-working on cake ideas cause chassidy is turning 10 and having her party at a water park, fuck yes
-i'm thinking beachy themed....sand castle, perhaps? buckets, shovels, starfish, shells, etc? or maybe ice cream cone cupcakes? eh?
-my new favorite phrase is "unflinching priority"
-write that down


pics soon. or whenever pim decides to send them to me. holla.

dear urban outfitters,

you are jerks. i don't like you. after i search for months and months for a hippie fringe vest (and FINALLY find one to my satisfaction) i visit your website and see this:

wtf? a fringe vest? does this mean tons of a-holes are gonna have these now? dang. it's a blow to the ego too, i'm not unique! i think like everyone else! ah well. it is only a vest, after all.

p.s. i still like you and i am anxiously awaiting my most recent order from your website. xoxo

top 5 weird things the cops would have found if i had let them search my car

hey look! they totally don't limit how long your title can be! they should though, probably.

5. my new meditation cushion. it could not be more colorful if it tried. it rules.

4. a pastry bag with some crusty icing in it. mmmm.

3. 5 mismatched teacups.

2. est 10-20 empty camel lights boxes.

1. a super-teachery sweater vest that dylan gave me months ago.


yes, i would have felt awkward upon the discovery of all these things together.

weekend recap: freedom edition

friday
-woken up by cousin's 2 year old to play with play-doh, rocked it, made some pies and worms

-played all morning, tried on high heels, and got tatted up with temporary tattoos

-picked up alex and headed out to secure some explosives

-firework stands rule and fireworks with ironic, silly, or over the top names are my fave

-there was a fountain called "the KGB" that had a picture of stalin on the front, and a huge box set hilariously called "national security"

-we were joined at alex's by dennis, nik, and julian and things got all psychadelic and technicolor

-then we went skateboarding and they rode down a hill a bunch of times while julian and i laid down in the grass and watched a storm blow over

-this was a long day, see?

-headed to tony's to drink, eat dinner, hang till it got dark

-argued forever about whether or not to drive to the lake, even whether the lake still existed, what it was called if it did indeed exist

-ended up shooting off our 'works in an enclave of trees by tony's, totally perfect

-everyone was so tired and we packed it in pretty early

saturday

-slept all effing day and couldn't shake the tiredness

-really, didn't do shit all day

-sat home with a broken phone and dyed my hair

-it's too dark

sunday

-so i almost got arrested, at least it felt that way

-i'm driving through my neighborhood on the way to target (est. 5 miles away)

-a cop pulls behind me in the neighborhood and follows me pretty much the whole way there

-so i'm aware and i'm being careful and observing the speed limit and such

-i get pulled over because (get this) apparently i didn't use my turn signal when i made a turn in the neighborhood....way back there...

-um....ok....

-then 3 more cop cars pull up, shit

-i'm pretty sure i didn't do anything, but that doesn't mean i won't get arrested, ya know?

-the officer gives me a ticket and asks if they can have permission to search my car

-i start adding things up: he pulls me over for something very minor, way after i did it, calls in backup, then asks to search my car, this is weird

-then i see a cop that i recognize, the one that held us captive in our home for a few hours during this incident

-i get it now, they must have run my address or something and have associated me with my heroin addict brother. again. fuck.

-so i ask the cop if this is because of my brother, he plays dumb, and i say no they cannot search my car

-i immediately wonder if this was a good idea, but they let me go, even though i was sassy and disagreeable, hmmm

-i don't want to drive anymore

weekend recap: out on a limb edition

friday
-worked late but managed to show up to the party's 2 year anniversary at zubar
-waited in line outside (booooo!) but made some nice friends out there
-randoms that i ran into: dez, tony, and nice-girl-that-works-at-urban
-walked in the doors and was punched in the face by the energy (!)
-i dance alone as usual, that's the way i like it
-um, stephen is a fucking badass dancer, jealous
-i'd have to say bombs over baghdad was the highlight for me, i threw down my purse and went for it
-on the way to the car i get flagged down by some gay guys to talk about my dress, of course i obliged
-check this for pics! hance is really doing something here!


saturday
-baked all day in preparation for the tea party (see below)
-effectively scared off 'new guy' from last weekend by giving him the runaround and being weird
-i was pretty sure that would happen, and its fine, good really, though i feel kinda bad
-went to 'girl show' for art love magic (art fueled charity) at southside on lamar
-pure greatness, amazing art, cute kids, talented and passionate women doing their thing
-hung out with dee and sherry all night at their booth and it was just what i needed
-jordan showed his face as promised, and i fell more in (friendly) love with him, he shines
-stopped by dylan's for late night porch talking and smoking and he has some great ideas that i hope i'm lucky enough to be a part of, more on that soon

sunday
-so, sunday ruled
-started off badly though, accidentally slept in till 20 min before tea party was to begin
-we were celebrating the birth of lacy, and just having fun being girly
-had to haul my decorating supplies to hannah's and throw the cake together in 5 min
-kinda sucks cause so much work goes into it, then it doesn't come together how you want it to
-but it doesn't matter because we had good company and good fun, rousing success
-then went shopping with the amazing fred
-fred is the shit, plain and simple
-we talked about clothes, boys, sugar daddies, bad shoes, and trash babies and laughed the day away
-i got a BEAUTIFUL dress at dolly python that is sure to be a hit at berry's wedding, yesssss
-got SUPER lost looking for ahab bowen (which, as it turns out, is NOT on bowen st.) and when we finally got there it was closed, succckkkkkk
-i finally got to make fun of someone that it was totally innappropriate to make fun of, but see, you can say anything to fred and he was right there with me and ready with some zingers of his own
-i'm sorry, i said some mean things about you, and you were pretty nice to me, i got it out of my system, though


some of the spread





















birthday girl lookin adorable






















polaroid portrait by fred

i need a (non)date

so, ever since the infamous hudnall-ruzicka disaster of 2k7, i have a strict policy of not attending weddings alone. i need a sidekick for chris berry's wedding on july 12th, but this one is gonna be tricky i think. one REALLLLY good sport needed.

pros:

-free dinner, delicious cake, estimated 90% chance of open bar
-you get to hang with me, in a ridiculous dress (duh)
-watch me deflect insults from the ex-husband with the greatest of ease
-dancing, laughing, mocking/scoffing
-you get to wear a suit? (see below)

cons:

-it's likely to be stuffy and fancy, decorum must be observed
-you'll have to sit through stories like this: "hey, remember that time when i stole your car and abandoned it somewhere in chad's neighborhood and then you pushed me in the pool fully-clothed in february to get me back?" um, how could i forget, ross?
-enduring scorn from the ex-husband
-you'll be dragged out for smoke breaks every half hour
-you have to wear a suit

any takers?

weekend recap: golden girls edition

fri

-yeah, i work late every friday
-nothing to see here

sat

-spent most of the day with my bro watching tv and giggling

-went to hance's to drink a few before going out to the loft

-hands up party with gracie chavez and i'm on the list as hance's plus one

-he makes quite a scene with his huge flash and gold chain camera strap

-he lets me shoot a little and i decide i'm surely not cool enough to hold that camera

-see girl-dylan and her friend rachael, wonder if they are old enough to even be there

-met a boy, uh huh, i told hance i would, just had a feeling

-i was smoking alone, saw him, wished he would come talk to me, he did, yayyyyyy

-danced a lot, saw cool things, got groped by drunk clothing designers

sun

-spent the afternoon relaxing by the pool with calvin, hance, julian, and some dude

-heard the grossest, most disturbing story i have ever heard

-it was about someone's first sexual experience, poor guy, siiiiiiiiiccckkk

-it was pretty funny though

-some dude decided to take off his swim trunks for no reason

-this didn't go over well with the group and we all left pretty quick

-who does that, eh?

-new boy texted me, he seems pretty into it, i'll probably disappoint him, i'm a jerk

"oooh. it. feels good to be free."

yes it does, jenny lewis.

i've been thinking a lot lately. whenever i end a relationship there's this sense of relief. i feel like myself again. but i don't remember losing myself. i can't really see where or why it happened. but it does. and its obviously me if it keeps happening. there are certain people in my life that remind me who i am and what i'm about just by spending time with them, and i've been hanging with them a lot lately and it feels good.

maybe i'm not mature enough to be in a relationship

maybe i need to learn a little something about equanimity

maybe i needed to experience this several times to get it right

maybe i should try being single for more than a few weeks, see what that's all about

weekend recap: art-tastic edition

fri
-work..eh
-that's about it
-except that work is draining my patience
-almost immediately upon entering the store its gone
-not sure why, working on it, kind of


sat
-two trips to frisco on a makeup hunt, eventual success
-errands/arrested development watching with alex
-on to the art show
-hal was naked in a box, cool!
-everything was great, really
-fred freaked out about my dress and made me do a spin, yay
-terribly awkward conversations dominated the evening
-stopped by meridian for a drink with eric's former drummer and his wife
-she remembered everything about me from the one time i met her about a year ago, weird and cool
-ended off the night watching the karate kid, hell yes
-"danny laruso's gonna fight!"

sun
-rad day spent with me
-went all around town shooting polaroids
-got about 5 that i love, sweet
-plotted and planned some ideas for polaroid projects, get excited!
-had late night slushes and conversation with sarah z

mon
-oh my my my
-milad is the best cheerer upper of all time
-we drink whiskey and talk and encourage and laugh and laugh and laugh
-i get wasted, throw up in the morning, but don't regret it cause i had the best fucking time

tues
-i finish work early and can't be bothered to hang around dallas for hours to go to meditation
-head to alex's to hang with the gang and i see dennis who always makes me happy and warm
-"how are you ever gonna meet dudes if you're always hanging out with like 8 dudes?"
-good question, but who said i even want to meet dudes, eh?

thurs
-drinks with julian at old monk
-calvin joins us and acts like a human being the entire time, nice!
-convo topics include relationships, breakups, cheating, sex, and attractiveness.
-turns out calvin has a height requirement too, who knew
-i have no use for suppression and no patience for anything but the truth. ask me anything. do it.

what a great, tiring week. i can't begin to sit still, i've got to be going, going, going. big thanks to my boys for putting up with me. even when your girlfriend gets mad cause we are being too rowdy and giggly.

drugs are bad, mkay?

since i don't feel like writing it again, the story as i related it to a friend via myspace message:

"sooooo...some crazy things happened today. i got home from work to find several police cars, an ambulance, and fire truck outside. ok, somewhat alarming, but there are plenty of non-devastating explanations. things are still ok. walk in, see a gurney. no. commotion upstairs but i can't tell what's going on. i try to get upstairs but a cop stops me. by now i'm freaked and starting to cry. she asks me if my mother has a history of depression or drug abuse. my mother? of course not. she goes on to imply that my mother has attempted suicide. (i'll ruin the story by telling you now that she didn't) it hits me and i'm on my knees. they bring someone on a board down the stairs. its not my mother, its ashley, my brother's girlfriend (?), and immediately it makes sense. i see her and she's not breathing on her own i hear someone say that she still doesn't have a pulse. she's off in an ambulance and now we're being corralled upstairs and they're searching our house. they find (not that they have to look hard...) an "obscene amount of narcotics" and nearly twenty used syringes. they bring in their "csi guy" to take pictures of the crime scene. my house is a crime scene. they arrest my brother, the cop tells us he's fucked but we already know that. my brother is calm and detatched the whole time. he tells my mother to pick him up immediately. my mother says again how she thought he was doing so well...she wonders aloud why this happened. i tell her because that's what happens. its not pixie stix, its fucking herion. ashley is ok, and i guess by ok i mean alive."

BEST. MEDITATION. EVER.

so i do this thing every week where i sit still and stuff. and its amazing, kids. its not a class, its not a religion, its not creepy, its just a bunch of people getting together to try to do better. to be happy. its simple but huge. massive. today was a really good one for me. there was a new girl there that i connected with immediately and i really hope she comes back. i read and i shared and gratitude and hope and humility were palpable in the room tonight. people always ask, and ive asked myself, why do i meditate? i can only answer for myself and here goes. it has helped me be more accepting of my current reality. here and now, THIS is all we have. if its painful or joyful, i'm grateful to have it and feel it. gratitude is another one. i'm grateful for this breath, for my benefactors, for my challenges. compassion has probably been the biggest gift i've received from meditating. we're all the same, we're all just trying to do our thing, we all experience suffering, and we all want to be happy. reminding myself of this has helped me to react less and receive more. several of my relationships (work, family) have made total 180s. simple but HUGE. i'm still relatively new to it, but i'm hooked. more later.

weekend recap: family edition

fri
-had a 6:30 am flight, so naturally i missed it
-first experience with standby, no big, enjoyed a leisurely breakfast and hopped a flight an hour later
-sister picked me up and we started in on the fun
-we had a tea party to plan and did we ever
-the colors! the costumes! the wackiness!
-have you ever been to a tea party with water guns and recorders?
-my dad tried to tell me HOW TO MAKE CUPCAKES
-seriously, this is like trying to tell the fonz how to be cool, not necessary
-went to blues fest in kc and laughed at all the drunk people
-we saw frat boys doing air guitar, an old nerdy couple gettin busy, and even some hipsters (who we can assume were only there ironically)

sat
"well...her next wedding can be perfect" -my cousin brian, mocking the cranky bride
-more tea party prep, heart shaped sandwiches and lemon squares, suckas!
-cousin's wedding was a trip
-attire ranged from cutoff (i said cutoff) tuxedo t-shirts, to camo dress shirts tucked into tight jeans, to nascar hats, to crocs
-then there was me in my anthro dress and heels, yup
-hung with my grandma and great aunt all night and we were quite the trio, they like to party
-picture it, me with two old ladies with coiffed old lady fros, a foot shorter than me working the room, partying it up
-they taught me the jitterbug and told me stories about when they used to go out dancing when they were young
-talked shop with the bakers of the cake and actually helped out with the finishing touches
-their cake topper was a couple sitting on a bale of hay
-did i ever tell you guys that i'm from the country? i'm from the fucking country

sun
-rode all the way home with parents, listening to yes and supertramp, my dad likes to rock
-we had to stop in eufala on a ridiculous errand
-you see, my family is all kinds of native american (creek, apache, choctaw)
-seriously i'm an 1/8th if you do the math, and this is the first time we've done the math
-aaaaanyway, the reason for this sudden interest is that jon jon is applying to med school
-yes, affirmative action is being put into motion for an upper middle class surburban white male, fuck this is so insane
-pending some paperwork, we will soon be on the books with a roll number and everything
-hey government, build me a fucking house!
-they do that right?


all in all, this was a really great trip. lots of fun and i learned and shared a lot with my family which is rare and appreciated. if only i could get my sister to move down here....

weekend recap

"laughter through tears is my favorite emotion."
i'm watching steel magnolias (arguably the best movie EVER) right now.



thurs
-dinner with julian and alex, conversation included: chad's belligerently drunk and hilarious behavior, engagements and proposals, cars, and of course music
-black angels at granada with caitlin, sarah e, and alex
-show was GREAT for awhile but got a little boring toward the end with all the jamming...eh....
-weird things happened and i was in no condition to handle them properly and spent most of the night fighting a freakout
-there was a two-sided accidental snubbing incident with my bubbelah fred, it's ok, it was resolved, thanks dylan!


fri
-seriously considered calling in mentally ill to work (haaaaaa)
-after work headed out with z to dada to see johnny lloyd rollins and the fieros (valentines)
-there was some unwelcome ass grabbing (see 'new rule')
-the bands were great and really seemed to be having fun which is rad
-i got my very own jlr t-shirt, courtesy of johnny himself. uh-huh!
-sarah and i did almost the exact same thing in the same place at the same time last year
-almost exactly the same, ya hear?


sat
-woke up late and didn't have a damn thing to do, greatness
-my brother had a bunch of friends over and i was listening to their conversation and laughing: "dude, how could you be in motley crue and not have an std?"
-had a long overdue chat with kari haecker about life and love and we laughed and laughed and laughed and i miss her a lot
-met up with milad and lots of old friends at jonesy's gf's house and things got interesting
-they were playing a drinking game and there was a lot of that "i've never" game
-see, this is probably not a good game to play around couples, there was some tension
-ones with bad results: "i've never slept with two people in one night" and "i've never slept with someone over 40"
-ones i'm still laughing about: "i've never bought a limp bizkit jacket" (oh, jonesy) and "i've never been called out by the toadies in front of ten thousand people"
-i learned a lot of disturbing things about greg, i had no idea.....
-i was in a unique (sober) position and was enjoying observing behavior
-palmer and i won the 'who's known each other the longest' contest that broke out with a solid 22 years
-what if god was one of us? just a stranger on the bus? pj and his girlfriend are GOLDEN


sun
-woke up to a phone call from little lyric
-lazy day, bike riding, leisurely baking, outside daydreaming
-lots of questions, fewer answers

new rule

if you don't know someone, don't touch their ass. is this too much to ask? i am totally baffled by this phenomenon. last night it happened again. i'm minding my own business watching jlr with z (as usual) and this guy behind me introduces himself and i'm polite but not enthusiastic in the least. sooooo he's really close behind me but it's crowded so fine. then i feel something on my ass, think hey, maybe it's his leg. no, it's his hand. what the hell, dude? in what reality is that ok? i find out later he's a doctor (he works with some of eric's friends) so maybe that has something to do with it, cause in my experience doctors are often (often, i say, certainly not always) arrogant and socially awkward. i just wonder what goes through someone's head in this situation. do they think i won't notice? do they think i'll be into it and turn around and make out with them? are they just completely out of ideas? maybe i should rethink the short skirts.

"so if i wanted to grab your ass, that's completely out of the question?" -eric

"i guess you and your friends don't play grabass much?" -kari

weekend recap: revival edition

went to missouri this weekend for my sister's high school graduation. the weekend started on wednesday.

wed
-drove 8 hours by myself, revisited and exhausted entire musical history.
-hung with my little bro while he schooled me about video game systems and computers.
-endured dad's self-righteousness, stepmom's off-the-rails alcoholism, and their constant fighting.

thurs
-shopped with my sister and target was reaaaaaalllly good to us.
-the graduation was at this crazy church! weird!
-p.s. that is a staircase for jesus to walk down when he returns.
-only 300 grads, no shenanigans, pretty lame by my standards.
-a celebratory joint was smoked on the car ride home with me, sis, and dad.
-dad took us to a hole in the wall greasy hamburger place and told us the kind of woman he's looking for is the kind that he could take here on a first date.
-they didn't get her a cake or anything. ok so i know graduating high school isn't like curing cancer but it still marks the end of a stage and beginning of a new one. it deserves some commemoration. jerks.

fri
-sister took me to her downtown haunts, which happen to be badass.
-hippie store where she graciously bought some insence for julian, and most righteous vintage store where i got the PERFECT earrings for my new gold dress.
-then a tea/coffee shop where people know her and we had some bubble tea.
-i asked her to come live with me for the summer because i don't know how she can live in that house. it's dark there.

sat
-early morning starbucks/breakfast making with the whole fam and things are light and easy.
-i hang with sister and some friends and i love their conversations and i'm taking notes.
-here are some of the notes: "he's gay, the party never ends." , "you guys are gonna be totally pissed when you start going to bars." they were outraged over a $5 keg party. apparently its usually only 2. sheesh.
-they think they'll never have to see the people from their school again. oh, but they will. lanchi still shows up about once a year to make me feel like i've done nothing in 8 years.

sun
-stopped in on my grandma on the way out of town and was totally depressed by it. is this what we have to look forward to? i'm not sure what to make of it.
-made the decision to get a camera. a proper one. LOOK OUT. should be about a month till this happens.
-totally switched gears, went to dennis's for a barbecue with alex and bogan.
-saw chad. laughed at chad.
-had a ridiculous conversation with zach that ended with him being pre-emptively uninvited to my funeral. for real. keep him out. and don't listen to anything he says about avril lavigne. it's bullshit.

yeah.

road trip!

dylan and i headed out to kaufman by way of cedar creek lake for a road trip of sorts. first we headed out to his aunt's lake house for a few quick chores, enjoyed the sun and sparkly water, and daydreamed a little about a future visit.

then we stopped in kaufman on the way back and i met the dad and the grandmother. you have to call her grandmother, no grandmas around here. dylan's dad is oh so friendly and funny. i see where dylan gets his quirky style as his dad almost immediately showed off his gold armadillo tacks for his boots. i admit, they were cool. we talked about our bikes and the bike-cessories that we wanted. i like him. his grandmother's house is unreal. straight out of gone with the wind. beautiful colors and flowers and columns and antique furniture and huge painted portraits. gorgeous. she reminds me of my own favorite grandma and that made me happy.

and, of course, there were lots of pic stops along the way. check it! (heads up: dead animal alert)

for milad

hi, milad!

some things happening or on the horizon:

i have a wonderful boyfriend and he makes me smile and laugh and (get ready for lameness) he likes me for me. which is great. for valentine's he made me a bouquet of dinosaurs, which is pretty telling. he outdoes me on weirdness and colorful outfits.

there is this great show at kettle art (graffiti artist sergio garcia) that i would recommend to most. very different, very cool. go see it next weekend (thurs-sat) before it's gone!

march is gonna rule. several birthdays of important people in my life (which also means CAKES!), visit from kari haecker, my favorite foul-mouthed lesbian, from the 14-17th, then TRIP TO ENGLAND.

i haven't been drunk in months, and i think i'd like to change that. fallout lounge is calling my name. my blog really fell apart without stories of drunken shenanigans. not sure what that says about me.

this week i'm going to kaufman on an errand with dylan and will meet his father and grandmother. should be interesting.... can't wait till he meets my family. oh the awkwardness. i can feel it already! that's what life is all about.

also this week will be my first meeting to attend of dallas dharma punx, a meditation group. meditate and destroy, they say. we will see. i'm pretty excited to see what its all about. i've met many of the core members over the past month or so and all are super cool. they may be onto something here.

i am obsessed with this website learning to love you more. uhhh so great. i'm gonna do #63, 55, and 49 for sure.

and now, some pictures. pretty ones.

dylan's playhouse

so dylan has a new house and i'm allowed (nay, encouraged) to paint ANYTHING I WANT on the walls. i think i'm gonna keep it simple, though. i don't want this to get dragged out for a long time, that's no fun. so here's what i'm thinking:

um...imagine a border around that, if you will. and imagine it on one wall in the bedroom with the bed up against the middle of it. i would like to wake up to that. and he likes to write stuff on his walls, so also imagine stuff written in the big sections, going toward and away from the circle. so really it'll be a collaboration. WE will paint the walls. oh and that is a candle on a tiny shelf in the circle. not sure about colors, i have about 20 to choose from. YAY!

i'm not completely sold on this, does anyone else have some ideas? something cool that you've always wanted to do to your walls? does anyone have access to an overhead projector (cause that changes everything!) eh? i'm talking to YOU!

first bike accident

it finally happened. i guess i got a little too confident. there was some talk in my family about whether i would even be able to ride a bike at all. well check me out, suckas! anyway, i was messing with my ipod and riding with one hand on the handlebars and lost my balance and totally ate pavement. it's cool, no one saw and i barely have a scratch.

nothing else here.

oh it's back.

i kind of knew it would be. and really, its because of what picosita said. (thank you!) good call. blog-therapy, i'll call it. and if that one person wants to write me outraged texts or emails when he doesn't like what i'm saying, well, that's ok i guess.

right now things are AMAZING for me, but crappy for a lot of people around me. which is a strange feeling. birthday was very nice, girl time, good food, and shopping. got lots of great, thoughtful gifts. i must say the best was this:

oh, that dylan. full of surprises, he is. setting the bar pretty high as well! i made julian feel my heartbeat the other night so someone would understand the way this guy makes me feel. its completely ridiculous, but i can't help it.

screw this

no one reads this, or at least that's what the lack of comments indicates. and whenever i post anything real (i.e. something rather than what i did for the weekend) i get in trouble. pointless.

you're a jerk.

yes, you.

this blog is officially dead.