so i've been secretly learning calculus

and i'll tell you why. i had to take it my freshman year and from the very first day, i did not understand. i could fake my way through the homework, but the tests were killer. just 3 super hard problems. i tried and tried and got a big fat D. it never clicked, i never really got it. i cried. a large part of my self-identity is being intelligent so when something challenges this, it's distressing to me.

so, like i said before, i've been secretly learning calculus. on my own, with the occasional question for my little bro. i get it! i get it! i get it! i'm smart! the sun is a little brighter, the air a little fresher. i'm proud of myself. do you think i can retake calculus and add it to my already complete transcript? eh? me either. so i guess there's nothing left to do but officially declare calculus my bitch. seven years later.

also, it has inspired me to do other things that are complicated and challenging that i would not have done before. when i broke my polaroid i took it apart and put it back together properly. more recently and more impressive, i think, i fixed the fountain in my mom's fish pond. first of all, i had to figure out how to get it out without actually putting my hand in the water, you know, since there's fish in there. then i took it apart and put it back together. and it actually worked!who knew i was so mechanically inclined? not i.

tony said my blog has too many words. :(