BEST. MEDITATION. EVER.

so i do this thing every week where i sit still and stuff. and its amazing, kids. its not a class, its not a religion, its not creepy, its just a bunch of people getting together to try to do better. to be happy. its simple but huge. massive. today was a really good one for me. there was a new girl there that i connected with immediately and i really hope she comes back. i read and i shared and gratitude and hope and humility were palpable in the room tonight. people always ask, and ive asked myself, why do i meditate? i can only answer for myself and here goes. it has helped me be more accepting of my current reality. here and now, THIS is all we have. if its painful or joyful, i'm grateful to have it and feel it. gratitude is another one. i'm grateful for this breath, for my benefactors, for my challenges. compassion has probably been the biggest gift i've received from meditating. we're all the same, we're all just trying to do our thing, we all experience suffering, and we all want to be happy. reminding myself of this has helped me to react less and receive more. several of my relationships (work, family) have made total 180s. simple but HUGE. i'm still relatively new to it, but i'm hooked. more later.

weekend recap: family edition

fri
-had a 6:30 am flight, so naturally i missed it
-first experience with standby, no big, enjoyed a leisurely breakfast and hopped a flight an hour later
-sister picked me up and we started in on the fun
-we had a tea party to plan and did we ever
-the colors! the costumes! the wackiness!
-have you ever been to a tea party with water guns and recorders?
-my dad tried to tell me HOW TO MAKE CUPCAKES
-seriously, this is like trying to tell the fonz how to be cool, not necessary
-went to blues fest in kc and laughed at all the drunk people
-we saw frat boys doing air guitar, an old nerdy couple gettin busy, and even some hipsters (who we can assume were only there ironically)

sat
"well...her next wedding can be perfect" -my cousin brian, mocking the cranky bride
-more tea party prep, heart shaped sandwiches and lemon squares, suckas!
-cousin's wedding was a trip
-attire ranged from cutoff (i said cutoff) tuxedo t-shirts, to camo dress shirts tucked into tight jeans, to nascar hats, to crocs
-then there was me in my anthro dress and heels, yup
-hung with my grandma and great aunt all night and we were quite the trio, they like to party
-picture it, me with two old ladies with coiffed old lady fros, a foot shorter than me working the room, partying it up
-they taught me the jitterbug and told me stories about when they used to go out dancing when they were young
-talked shop with the bakers of the cake and actually helped out with the finishing touches
-their cake topper was a couple sitting on a bale of hay
-did i ever tell you guys that i'm from the country? i'm from the fucking country

sun
-rode all the way home with parents, listening to yes and supertramp, my dad likes to rock
-we had to stop in eufala on a ridiculous errand
-you see, my family is all kinds of native american (creek, apache, choctaw)
-seriously i'm an 1/8th if you do the math, and this is the first time we've done the math
-aaaaanyway, the reason for this sudden interest is that jon jon is applying to med school
-yes, affirmative action is being put into motion for an upper middle class surburban white male, fuck this is so insane
-pending some paperwork, we will soon be on the books with a roll number and everything
-hey government, build me a fucking house!
-they do that right?


all in all, this was a really great trip. lots of fun and i learned and shared a lot with my family which is rare and appreciated. if only i could get my sister to move down here....

weekend recap

"laughter through tears is my favorite emotion."
i'm watching steel magnolias (arguably the best movie EVER) right now.



thurs
-dinner with julian and alex, conversation included: chad's belligerently drunk and hilarious behavior, engagements and proposals, cars, and of course music
-black angels at granada with caitlin, sarah e, and alex
-show was GREAT for awhile but got a little boring toward the end with all the jamming...eh....
-weird things happened and i was in no condition to handle them properly and spent most of the night fighting a freakout
-there was a two-sided accidental snubbing incident with my bubbelah fred, it's ok, it was resolved, thanks dylan!


fri
-seriously considered calling in mentally ill to work (haaaaaa)
-after work headed out with z to dada to see johnny lloyd rollins and the fieros (valentines)
-there was some unwelcome ass grabbing (see 'new rule')
-the bands were great and really seemed to be having fun which is rad
-i got my very own jlr t-shirt, courtesy of johnny himself. uh-huh!
-sarah and i did almost the exact same thing in the same place at the same time last year
-almost exactly the same, ya hear?


sat
-woke up late and didn't have a damn thing to do, greatness
-my brother had a bunch of friends over and i was listening to their conversation and laughing: "dude, how could you be in motley crue and not have an std?"
-had a long overdue chat with kari haecker about life and love and we laughed and laughed and laughed and i miss her a lot
-met up with milad and lots of old friends at jonesy's gf's house and things got interesting
-they were playing a drinking game and there was a lot of that "i've never" game
-see, this is probably not a good game to play around couples, there was some tension
-ones with bad results: "i've never slept with two people in one night" and "i've never slept with someone over 40"
-ones i'm still laughing about: "i've never bought a limp bizkit jacket" (oh, jonesy) and "i've never been called out by the toadies in front of ten thousand people"
-i learned a lot of disturbing things about greg, i had no idea.....
-i was in a unique (sober) position and was enjoying observing behavior
-palmer and i won the 'who's known each other the longest' contest that broke out with a solid 22 years
-what if god was one of us? just a stranger on the bus? pj and his girlfriend are GOLDEN


sun
-woke up to a phone call from little lyric
-lazy day, bike riding, leisurely baking, outside daydreaming
-lots of questions, fewer answers

new rule

if you don't know someone, don't touch their ass. is this too much to ask? i am totally baffled by this phenomenon. last night it happened again. i'm minding my own business watching jlr with z (as usual) and this guy behind me introduces himself and i'm polite but not enthusiastic in the least. sooooo he's really close behind me but it's crowded so fine. then i feel something on my ass, think hey, maybe it's his leg. no, it's his hand. what the hell, dude? in what reality is that ok? i find out later he's a doctor (he works with some of eric's friends) so maybe that has something to do with it, cause in my experience doctors are often (often, i say, certainly not always) arrogant and socially awkward. i just wonder what goes through someone's head in this situation. do they think i won't notice? do they think i'll be into it and turn around and make out with them? are they just completely out of ideas? maybe i should rethink the short skirts.

"so if i wanted to grab your ass, that's completely out of the question?" -eric

"i guess you and your friends don't play grabass much?" -kari

weekend recap: revival edition

went to missouri this weekend for my sister's high school graduation. the weekend started on wednesday.

wed
-drove 8 hours by myself, revisited and exhausted entire musical history.
-hung with my little bro while he schooled me about video game systems and computers.
-endured dad's self-righteousness, stepmom's off-the-rails alcoholism, and their constant fighting.

thurs
-shopped with my sister and target was reaaaaaalllly good to us.
-the graduation was at this crazy church! weird!
-p.s. that is a staircase for jesus to walk down when he returns.
-only 300 grads, no shenanigans, pretty lame by my standards.
-a celebratory joint was smoked on the car ride home with me, sis, and dad.
-dad took us to a hole in the wall greasy hamburger place and told us the kind of woman he's looking for is the kind that he could take here on a first date.
-they didn't get her a cake or anything. ok so i know graduating high school isn't like curing cancer but it still marks the end of a stage and beginning of a new one. it deserves some commemoration. jerks.

fri
-sister took me to her downtown haunts, which happen to be badass.
-hippie store where she graciously bought some insence for julian, and most righteous vintage store where i got the PERFECT earrings for my new gold dress.
-then a tea/coffee shop where people know her and we had some bubble tea.
-i asked her to come live with me for the summer because i don't know how she can live in that house. it's dark there.

sat
-early morning starbucks/breakfast making with the whole fam and things are light and easy.
-i hang with sister and some friends and i love their conversations and i'm taking notes.
-here are some of the notes: "he's gay, the party never ends." , "you guys are gonna be totally pissed when you start going to bars." they were outraged over a $5 keg party. apparently its usually only 2. sheesh.
-they think they'll never have to see the people from their school again. oh, but they will. lanchi still shows up about once a year to make me feel like i've done nothing in 8 years.

sun
-stopped in on my grandma on the way out of town and was totally depressed by it. is this what we have to look forward to? i'm not sure what to make of it.
-made the decision to get a camera. a proper one. LOOK OUT. should be about a month till this happens.
-totally switched gears, went to dennis's for a barbecue with alex and bogan.
-saw chad. laughed at chad.
-had a ridiculous conversation with zach that ended with him being pre-emptively uninvited to my funeral. for real. keep him out. and don't listen to anything he says about avril lavigne. it's bullshit.

yeah.

road trip!

dylan and i headed out to kaufman by way of cedar creek lake for a road trip of sorts. first we headed out to his aunt's lake house for a few quick chores, enjoyed the sun and sparkly water, and daydreamed a little about a future visit.

then we stopped in kaufman on the way back and i met the dad and the grandmother. you have to call her grandmother, no grandmas around here. dylan's dad is oh so friendly and funny. i see where dylan gets his quirky style as his dad almost immediately showed off his gold armadillo tacks for his boots. i admit, they were cool. we talked about our bikes and the bike-cessories that we wanted. i like him. his grandmother's house is unreal. straight out of gone with the wind. beautiful colors and flowers and columns and antique furniture and huge painted portraits. gorgeous. she reminds me of my own favorite grandma and that made me happy.

and, of course, there were lots of pic stops along the way. check it! (heads up: dead animal alert)

for milad

hi, milad!

some things happening or on the horizon:

i have a wonderful boyfriend and he makes me smile and laugh and (get ready for lameness) he likes me for me. which is great. for valentine's he made me a bouquet of dinosaurs, which is pretty telling. he outdoes me on weirdness and colorful outfits.

there is this great show at kettle art (graffiti artist sergio garcia) that i would recommend to most. very different, very cool. go see it next weekend (thurs-sat) before it's gone!

march is gonna rule. several birthdays of important people in my life (which also means CAKES!), visit from kari haecker, my favorite foul-mouthed lesbian, from the 14-17th, then TRIP TO ENGLAND.

i haven't been drunk in months, and i think i'd like to change that. fallout lounge is calling my name. my blog really fell apart without stories of drunken shenanigans. not sure what that says about me.

this week i'm going to kaufman on an errand with dylan and will meet his father and grandmother. should be interesting.... can't wait till he meets my family. oh the awkwardness. i can feel it already! that's what life is all about.

also this week will be my first meeting to attend of dallas dharma punx, a meditation group. meditate and destroy, they say. we will see. i'm pretty excited to see what its all about. i've met many of the core members over the past month or so and all are super cool. they may be onto something here.

i am obsessed with this website learning to love you more. uhhh so great. i'm gonna do #63, 55, and 49 for sure.

and now, some pictures. pretty ones.